Trying

No matter what i do and what happens it seems that i can never escape the little drops of doubt that jump into my mind. I know that it is something that i will always have to deal with and i know that it will get easier with time and become easier with each positive result. Sometimes i wish that my body was normal and that it would make my life easier but i know that i have to deal with this trial because if i didn't then i could have even harder trials. The last few months have been crazy i finished my first semester back in school and i have been really sick lately but the doctor is not sure what is going on so i have to go back in to see him in a couple of weeks. It terrifies me to think about because i don't want to go in and be told that my cysts have come back or something worse has shown up, i don't know how i would deal with that. I know it sounds like a ridiculous reason for being scared to go to the doctor but for me its something that will haunt me to this day. I still remember that day and i will never forget it because it has made me the person i am today. It has strengthened me in more than one way. I met this awesome girl who has the same syndrome i do and she also has a friend that has it that has now had kids. We got to talking about how it feels not to be able to conceive and to not what is going and why the lord decided that we have to go though this. But we have decided that you can never forget that the lord hand picks our trials because he knows our strengths and weakness's we also discussed that to go through infertility you have to be really strong mentally and physically because it is a long hard road and the emotions and feelings that you go through from day to day can really take a toll on you mentally and physically. I also wrote a fairytale for my children for one of my final projects. I realized that i wanted a creative way to tell them what i am going through and this will help them better understand what negative thoughts can do to ones outlook on life. I will continue adding to the story until i feel like its finished but i am very proud of it and want to share it with everyone and i will share it soon but not yet.