desire to share my story

So I like to watch the Ellen Degeneres show, she always has awesome people on there with awesome stories. I told my husband a few weeks ago that I would love to go on there and share my story. Just to be able to get my name out there, this desire to share my story has been growing and growing lately. It's almost the only thing I can think about some days. So anyone reading this comment and let me know wht your thinking and if this blog has given you hope or help in anyway. Lets hear some comments and share our stories

Poly cystic ovarian syndrome sucks

No matter how much I feel better, I still have those days where I am in pain and not feeling well. Being diagnosed with p.c.o.s has really changed my life and my health concerns. This is because of the pain and sometimes the discomfort it can cause and it just plain sucks. The other other thing I wanted to talk about is so many of my friends are pregnant and I am truly happy for them. But it made me realize that I still struggle with some of those feelings even though I have a baby of my own. But this also made me realize how my story can help others. For instance I won't use any names but a couple of friends of mine are not blessed with children yet. The one has endometriosis and the other I don't know the whole story. But my point is these ladies struggle with the same feelings that I did and it makes my heart hurt for them. So I always try to encourage them to not give up hope because with hope comes miracles. Its amazing to me how badly I want to share my story with others that I don't even know. So I am on a mission to get my name out there and to help others and be encouraging and supportive to them. Life can be complicated at times but I know that miracles happen everyday my little boy reminds me of that. Keep the hope and spread the word because I am here to share my story. Inspiration+Hope=Miracles

Update and recap

Its interesting that when dealing with all my health issues, it never ceases to amaze me how much I have changed compared to 4 years ago. I so badly want to share my story with others not only on here but i want to be a motivational speaker at women's conferences and be able to help not only women but many people to change their lifestyles. Lately I have been dealing with new health issues which is my gallbladder. I ended up having surgery 2 weeks ago and am feeling better and better all the time. Its amazing to see that everything that I have went through I still have my little miracle boy. Which by the way he is doing great and getting bigger and bigger all the time, he's a typical boy and gets into everything. Just last night he got into the salt shaker and shook salt all over the floor and had a grand old time doing it. I have decided that I am going to have a party to get my name out there my husband is helping me plan it. I am excited about it and can't wait to share my story. So to refresh everyone's memory I am going to include how this journey for me began... We had been married about three months when i got pregnant and then miscarried that same month. I was on birth control at the time so I thought that it was the birth control that made me miscarry. My heart was broken and I was depressed, I was so hurt that nobody knew how I felt and so I turned my mind around right then and decided that I wasn't going to let this get the best of me. We then moved closer to both of our families a few months later. As we were living in a big house with some friends, they found out that they were pregant which made me a little jelaous but more hurt then that. Because i wanted kids so bad but i couldn't seem to get pregnant. By this time we had been married for about 8 months. My heart was breaking and so I talked to an in-law. The in-law that I talked to did not understand what i was going through becasue they were always able to get pregnant right away. They said that the pregnancy about four months earlier was all in my head. This blew me away that they could be so heart less at how i was feeling and how i was struggling with this. We then decided that we needed to move once again becasue being with our friends was making our marriage fall apart. Soon after we got into our new place, i started feeling like i was pregnant again. So we took test after test and again it seemed as if i miscarried. I finally decided that my heart couldn't take all this so i just wanted to stop trying. It was hard for me to not be jelaous as thers got pregnant and i couldn't. I struggled almost everyday with it and i began to get depressed. Finally i sat down with my husband and i told him how i was feeling. He told me that he would support me and that we would have our own children one day soon. After about a year in our new place we decided that we would start trying again. This brings us to January of 2011. In the first part of January i began to get really sick. At frist i was like oh its just the flu and then i got better so i didn't think anything of it. In late march I started to get sick again and this time i was late. So we took a test and it came out negative. I tried not to think about it but i made be a little depressed. We then went on vacation in early April and i didn't think about until we came home and i got sicker and sicker. Finally my family said that i had better go to the doctor to find out what was wrong. I was scared and anxious becasue i wanted a positive answer but i also didn't want to be disappointed. The doctor then took a test and it said it was negative. This tore at my heart becasue i wanted so badly to know that i was gonna have a baby. The doctor then took a bunch of tests to narrow down the problem. After two more doctor visits of test, the doctor said ok lets take a pelvic ultrasound becasue we are running out of tests and problems that could be worng with you. Later that day i went and got an ultrasound. I waited anxiously to hear what they had to say. Finally that Friday the doctor called with news. It wasn't terrible but it wasn't good either. He told me that i had poly cystic ovaries and that this was caused by to much insulin in my body, he also told me it was treatable. He scheduled me for a an insluin test the following Monday. Later that day i told my mother and i broke down in tears but at frist i didn't know excatly what i was facing and what my treatment would be. I was afraid that i would never be able to have children and just all those kinds of thoughts were running through my head. I was afraid that my husband would not want to be married to me anymore and that was one of my biggest fears that weekend. I was kinda depressed and kinda worried about how Monday was gonna go. This was also mothers day weeken, so for me this was a very hard day. We then went in on MOnday and they took the test and they told me that the results would be ready in a couple of days and the doctor explained to me that my cystics were folical size and that as soon as that got it under control that i would be able to have children. This helped me calm down a little. SO I know this blog post was a little longer than others but what I want to do is be able to share this story but shorten it and be able to share it that way.

update on my tests

After waiting all weekend long I finally got my results. It is my gallbladder and the growth that I have is not cancerous. My gallbladder is inflammed and has a pocket in it. So next wenseday I meet with the surgeon to see what beeds to be done. Most likely I will have to have it removed. It doesn't matter to me as long as I don't have to do some needle treatment. Because I hate needles, so through alk this I have been using the pain pills my doctor gave me and feeling kinda miserable. I just want to feel better. So I will keep updating after I get more info on wenseday I will post again.

Infertility. ... always fighting

So to update you all... we have been on summer vacation and enjoyed our summer but not looking forward to the cold weather. We have spenta week in a cabin baby free and than went camping with my parents my sister-in-law and six kids plus my aunt and cousins, camping is not relaxing it is exhausting. Sorry for all those that love it. Anyway we had fun and enjoyed visitng and playing, but I was so ready for my own bed. So for the last little while i have been having really bad stomach pain which I just assumed was my p.c.o.s but it kept getting worse and worse and I just put off going to the doctor because I knew what they were gonna say. Finally the other day it was so bad I couldnt even walk to our bedroom without crying in pain. Then my husband and son got a nasty cold lyrangitis and then I got it, plus my stomach pain kept coming back and nothing seemed to help. So I finally decided to go get it checked out. They took blood and told me that I needed another ultrasound since it had been over a year since my last one. So I went for it today. They said my progesterone levels were high and I am not ovualting again which was no suprise to me. But they told me that the ultrasound showed a growth and they needed to do an adomonial one to pin point the problem. They said surgery would correct it but they wanted to preserve any possibility for fertility. So just waiting to hear when my next ultrasound will be so I can get more answers and rid of the pain. Its hard even though I have been through this process a lot and I now have a child its still hard to hear that news, I always wonder why I was given these trials with my health and infertility. I know for sure that I want to share my story with so many to let them know they are not alone and that theres others who are dealing with the same thing. But now its back to the tests to help with this problem so I can have a few more children if the lord wants me too. I know there are always other options, but we all want to feel that feeling of life in us. Be strong to those who are still waiting for your miracle its coming. I know that infertility is something I will always have to deal with and other times may be harder than some. But I would not change this because what I learned and am still learning from it I know I can use it to help others. I will post when I know more about how they are going to treat this. Nighty night all keep the faith and miracles still happen I can say just look at my healthy 13 month old. I will post again soon watch for it.

growing and growing

Well its been a while since I last posted, I have been busy with school and just finished up a semester yesterday. I am trying to get back my exercising and eating healthy. I am really wanting to help people chnage their lives. Karson just turned 1 on the 7th and it made me think back to everything that lead up to getting our little miracle. Its amazing how much I have grown with everything that I went through to be able to have him. The depression, the heart break, the emotions, the hope, and the loss. Its amazing that even though I struggled with that I grew from. I wrote fairytale for my children to explain everything Once upon a time in a faraway kingdom; that was named the Kingdom of Milk and Honey. In this kingdom there lived a mom, dad, three boys and a girl. The daughter will be our main focus in this fairytale, her name is Princessa Mandy; she grew up never knowing that in the kingdom evil could ever come and live there. But one day soon after she turned 10 a new neighbor moved in his name was Lucifer, he seemed so nice at first and always seemed that he wanted to help everyone. As she grew Lucifer became different and started trying to tempt her, her friends and her family. The kingdom of Milk and Honey started to become dark and dreary. With all the tempting going on, Lucifer started recruiting the peasants in kingdom to become his partners in evil doing. Princessa Mandy was mortified by how the Kingdom of Milk and Honey was growing darker and darker each day. No matter how hard she tried to be an example her friends kept falling off the path. She was now a 19 year old young woman and would soon face the biggest conflict in her life. Princessa Mandy met her knight in shining armor one day while taking a walk in the woods. The story goes that she was looking for some berries and had gotten lost. She was terrified of the dark, her parents sent out all the knights from around the land surrounding the Kingdom of Milk and Honey. Soon Sir Knight Tyler came near where she was supposed to be he ended up tripping over a log or so he thought. He was lying on his stomach and looked back over his shoulder and realized that he actually tripped over a person, he wasn’t sure if the person was alive or dead. But he pulled himself up and decided to go check to make sure he didn’t hurt anyone. As soon as he was standing the person rolled over and said in a groggy voice, “Gosh why can’t people watch where they are walking I swear …Some people just don’t have the common curtsey.” Sir Knight Tyler was so astonished by this that he had to lean against a tree. Princessa Mandy stood up and dusted off her dress and glared at the young knight, she couldn’t help but notice how handsome he was and how she felt a connection with him as soon as their eyes met. After their meeting Sir Knight Tyler tried everything to win the Princessa’s heart, he gave her flowers and brought her a Jamba Juice when she had just got some teeth pulled from the dentist. But nothing seemed to work finally one day he was just talking to his friends about being a father in the future. Princessa Mandy heard this and her heart took a giant leap she knew that he would be the father of her children. They then began courting and a week after her 19th birthday they were married. They soon began thinking about starting their family but the timing wasn’t right, no matter how long they thought they had waited it still was not enough. Now they have this very magical gift in the Kingdom of Milk and Honey, this gift makes everything else look worthless. This magical gift had the ability to give them advice, peace, and guidance in their life and its name was the gospel. Princessa Mandy and Sir Knight Tyler began asking this wonderful gift questions and asking for guidance. They began a long struggle with Lucifer. This struggle was that they were not allowed to start having babies without the king’s permission, but they secretly kept trying and trying but each baby was lost. They finally began asking permission but were never given yes or no just peaceful thoughts. Lucifer used this to his advantage saying you’re not going to be parent s ever you will never have the opportunity to have babies. No sooner had he said these things Princessa Mandy began to doubt and lose her ability to see this wonderful gift. She began to regret those who had babies and those who were going to have babies. Lucifer kept working at her every day and trying to tempt her. She clung to Sir Knight Tyler’s ability to see the gospel. The gospel began to grow more and more in his heart and started disappearing from Princessa Mandy’s heart she could no longer see anyone’s feelings but her own. Lucifer had his grasp on her and was never going to let her go. As Princessa Mandy neared her 21st birthday she began to get sicker and sicker, being near Lucifer all the time was hurting her health. She ended up getting a syndrome that made having babies difficult and this took a big toll on her body which made her very sick. In the beginning of finding all this out the Princessa didn’t understand and so she started listening to Lucifer once again but this time it pulled her away from the family that she loved so dearly and pulled her away from her husband Lucifer tricked her into being depressed and hurt over it, he also tricked her into being jealous of others with babies. As the days went on the Kingdom of Milk and Honey got so dark that no one could see their hand in front of their face let alone the light .Everyone was turning to Lucifer following him like puppies, wanting understanding but not using the gospel. Soon Princessa Mandy had lost sight of what was really important and all that really mattered to her. This was the greatest conflict Princessa Mandy and Sir Knight Tyler faced. Sir Knight Tyler did not understand how Princessa Mandy was feeling, she felt like that if she could not have babies then what did her knight in shining armor have to stay with her for, he could find someone else that could have them. She didn’t want to feel so alone in this long conflict, but Lucifer even though she thought that he was her friend he really wasn't he put awful thoughts into her head. He made her think that the king was out to get her, and that she wasn’t worth the time and the effort, to actually be his daughter. Her family was there to support her. But she could not see any of it; she was blind to her family and the gospel. Princessa Mandy struggled with this for a very long time it went on for many years. Her family tried to stay with her but she kept pulling away until she was just a shadow in their vision. Sir Knight Tyler would never leave the Princessa’s side. He loved her dearly and no matter how much she was suffering he would hold her till she was done crying or being mad at the king. He would try to be her rock and show her that the king had not forgotten about her. He believed with all his heart that if the Princessa put her trust in the king and had a little patience her would then be given the answer that yes children will be born in their little family. One day about three years later Princessa Mandy’s heart changed, she understood why the king had her wait, and why he wanted her to wait. She found out that if she had babies before this time then they would have had major health problems or ended up coming to them dead. She understood that she needed this different view point so that she could help the Kingdom of Milk and Honey, come to see the light again. After that day Princessa Mandy and Sir Knight Tyler went around to the little towns in the kingdom telling their story trying to get people to change their lives so that they could see the magical gift, the gospel. But they could get none to listen the darkness in the Kingdom of Milk and Honey had lightened up a little bit so that you could see your hand in front of your face, but it was still dark. The princessa tried to stop Lucifer from putting doubt and bad thoughts into the peasant’s heads but nothing that she tried work soon she was so desperate that she turned to the king. He gave her the greatest advice that any king and parent could give their child. He promised her that if she taught from the heart not only by just telling her story then she would be blessed so greatly. Now a blessing this great can only be the greatest surprise of her adult life and she would appreciate it a lot more. Princessa Mandy began sharing her story with everyone that she came in contact with; she spoke from the heart and came to understand that many other people have had the same experiences and the same trials as she has had in the past three years. The Kingdom of Milk and Honey slowly started to get lighter and lighter. Soon the light started to peak through the clouds and the peasants of the kingdom began to come to use the magical gift, the gospel. The Princessa and Sir Knight Tyler so forgot all their worries and began to fight Lucifer for the rest of their kingdom. The king and queen were getting older and were ready to pass down the throne to the princessa and the knight. But first before they could gain it they had to get rid of Lucifer for good. They fought him for everything that he had gained and then some, he wasn’t going to give it up that easily. So they thought of a plan, that plan was to get the light to shine so bright that when it did he would be weakened and then they could win the kingdom back. But the problem was that they couldn’t get it to shine that bright unless the princessa was going to have a baby. Well not long after this plan had been discussed the princessa found out that she was going to have a baby. She was so surprised and excited and Sir Knight Tyler was so ecstatic that he wanted to shout it to the world. But they had to keep it quite because Lucifer would try to take the baby away from them. He knew that this was their only weakness and that this was the only way that they could get the light to be bright enough. So the princessa was taken into hiding until the baby could be born….. So late that summer a baby was born to Princessa Mandy and Sir Knight Tyler, it was a little baby boy and they named him Prince Karson James… This is just a simpler silly version of what I went through

Its a love hate relationship with P.C.O.S

Having P.C.O.S has taught me many things and gave me I don't really love it but it has taught me a bunch of life lessons and help to be brave and share my story with others. What I hate about it is the attacks of pain when a cyste is breaking apart days of pain and sleepless nights. But having it has made my life an adventure and a chance to let others know that they are not alone

Getting better

So we have some improvements to tell you, finally after a visit to the hospital to have a special test Karson was said that everything looked normal. He just went in to the doctor last week for a check up on his acid reflux, he has gained back all the weight he had lost and then some and he now weighs 15 lbs and 14 oz. He has another doctors appointment next month to make sure that he is gaining weight still. He has also grown a full inch and is now 26 1/2" long. He is a little over seven months has been on new medicine and formula for over a month and is doing very well and is hardly spitting up anymore. He rode in the swing for the first time today. He has been trying to get in teeth for the last little while and he can be grumpy at times but also very sweet and smart. On other notes I am doing well and have started a business of sorts to share my story and to help others create a healthier lifestyle to help them to gain the hope that they have lost. I am calling it Mandy's Hope, dedicated to my wonderful supporting husband and my little miracle baby boy. And also a special person my brother Devin because he never quit on me and he told me that he just knew that we would be blessed. Email for details at mandyshope7_7_132hotmail.com Looking back at last year I realize that I would have never thought that in a few short years of discovering my health problems and changing my lifestyle that my dream would come true and I get to be a mother. I was thinking back last night wow I have come a long why. But I still remember those feelings of longing for a child and not ever really knowing if i would ever get one. I know that might sound morbid to some of you but those of you who have dealt with and are dealing with infertility I know it was always a fear that I had that I would never get the blessing in this life to be a parent. But through a lot of prayer, faith, prayer, fear, faith, and hoping against all hope I really did get the blessing to be a parent. I remember my sleepless nights where i would sit up and pray my hardest to my Heavenly Father asking him why, how, and when it would happen. Being on his timetable though is putting all your hopes and dreams and trusting him without a shadow of a doubt that he would bless us and give us a miracle when we needed it most. I am just so grateful for the trial of infertility even though it is the hardest trial. I am also grateful that Karson was born before my brother passed away and that he could get to know him and so that my brother can be his guardian angel and watch over and protect him and tell him stupid jokes. I just want to say pictures will be coming and keep the faith because the Lord's timetable is what we are on and to live every day to its fullest and keep hoping and don't ever regret anything.

little struggles and little triumphs

We have been crazy busy trying to find out Karson's problem for spitting up constantly. He is allergic to regular and soy milk so now he has to be on special formula and medicine. It is getting better a little at a tme and now he just has to work on gaining weight. He is rolling over and trying to swim his way across the floor its so adorable. He loves to do anything to make you laugh and when he pulls your hair and you get after him he then tries to stroke it. He is the sweetest happiest little boy. We are so fearful that he is our little miracle. I can't believe thatlast year at this time we were just telling everyone we were finally gonna have a baby. My struggles with getting him here have taught me a lot about faith and trusting in the lord and learning to be truly happy for those even though they may have what we don't. Its still a process and I know in the future I will still have to deal with my infertility everytime we want to have another child but it will be so much easier to deal with knowing what it takes to endure this trial. I always want to share my story with a lot of people because I want them to see how much I have grown and learned form this and also so that they can gain the strength they need to deal with trials they are going through even if it isn't related. Updates of pics and more to come soon