New baby and other things

It's been a while since I have posted lots of new things have happened. Our sweet baby boy Fynn was born, Tyler started a new job and karson became a big brother. Life has been crazy we went on a vacation to Arizona for our anniversary in March. Celebrated my birthday too we have been married 8 years. In April we celebrated Tyler's 30th birthday. In May we prepared for our new little guy. On May 26th I was induced even though my due date wasn't till June 1st. I was anxious for delivery because karson's delivery was so rough, long, and kinda traumatic for me and him. But Fynn's couldn't have been more different it was calm very quick and controlled. I would be induced in a heart beat again. My labor was only 4 hours and didn't even have time for my epidural to work. So it was all natural and so do painful not gonna life I thought my insides were on fire but I survived. I went for my six week appointment today and was diagnosed with PPD. It was a shock to me but my hubby noticed I was depressed and just told me a few days ago. So now I will be on meds to treat it for a year and then I will get off of it. I start another semester in school in September and I am looking into doing medical transcription to help pay medical bills of. What a whirlwind of a few months but we are surviving I will post updates. Ladies miracles do happen I have two wonderful examples of those which are my two cute sweet boys.

Thinking

Lately on some of the mom groups I follow and such there have been posts about how close together to have kids. I also read some articles that said about this too. No offense to those who want kids super close together all the more power to you. It just got me thinking how some of these articles are not realizing the fact that someone don't have a choice to have their kids close together or not. Its crazy to think that fertility problems are not talked about and recognized like they should be. I just found it interesting how many women on this mom group ask how close together to have kids when really its what they think they can handle what they feel is right for their families and for their children you can get as many opinions as you want but that's really up to you and your spouse. Just from my point of view being someone who struggles with infertility and having trouble getting pregnant it just bothered me. I don't think there is a perfect age gap its whatever you feel comfortable with its what makes you happy and what the Lord decides is best for your family. My plan was to have have each child two to three years apart but it wasn't the lords plan. Karson and the new baby will be almost 4 years apart but to me that doesn't matter as long as they are going to be my children forever and ever and they will always be family.

Happy news

I know its been quite a few months since I posted its been crazy and hectic here but well worth it all. Since last posting, at the end of September we found out we were expecting. It was exciting but a little scary for me since suffering a miscarriage in October of 2015 and previously 3 years before we got pregnant with our special karson. The first few months I was worried about miscarrying and was very cautious but the doctors told me each time I went everything is great we have a nice strong heart beat. I am now 20 weeks pregnant and we find out what gender the baby is on Monday we are excited and will be happy with either a boy or a girl. We are excited that we are finally getting to expand our family and some days it seems so surreal but I couldn't be happier. My morning sickness hasn't been as bad as last time the first few months were the worst, I still have my good days and my bad days sometimes bad weeks. I am suffering from a lot of hip pain though which makes sleeping and doing little things really hard lately, but we are surviving. We are switching karson rooms so that he will hopefully start sleeping through the night again before the baby comes. I was busy with school this Fall and passed all my classes. The holidays were fun and hectic like holidays are. Thats it for now I will post more on Monday with new updates.

Remembering

As the days have went by recently I began seeing ladies who are pregnant and every time I think about getting on Facebook, I don't want to face all the pregnancy announcements, I don't want to see anyone who is pregnant. Because I am wanting and yearning for something that few really know what that is. I don't want to become bitter like I was back 5 years ago becoming bitter will only push those feelings for yearning and wanting. I remember how I was and how I absolutely didn't want to be around anyone who was pregnant. I remember that I hated feeling like at and I hated how it pulled me away from my faith. I don't want to remember those days but at the same time I need to remember to see how far I have come. How much my faith has grown, I know how much the lord knows the desires of our hearts, I need to remember my faith and my promise that I gave him. No matter what he is there he will listen he will keep us strong he will put many people in our lives to support us and give us the strength we need when we are feeling weak, when we are feeling like we are lacking the strength. It's hard to say what's really on my mind today but I don't want to be bitter like I was back then. I just want to tell all you ladies suffering with infertility to don't give up to not give in to your feelings of bitterness and hate. We cannot do that to ourselves we cannot let the infertility rule our hearts. You will get your miracle but having faith and strength in ourselves is what we all need. We need to support each other and let each other Know we are there for each one of us dealing with infertility.

Hard days

The last few days have been hard on me emotionally. Everyday I see people who are pregnant or just had a baby. I long for that again, I long for karson to have siblings, I long for that feeling of movement that no else can experience like you can. It's an interesting feeling to feel like that again in over four years. I long for these things and even though my health is a lot better than it was a month two months ago I always have that little doubt, wondering if karson will ever be able to have any siblings, if I will get to experience being pregnant again, will I ever get to experience the miracle of birth again? These questions have been running through my mind lately. No matter what anyone says to me like your so young, have faith it will all work out, don't worry about it it will just happen. But for me this is something that won't just happen it will be another miracle like my Christmas come true about 4 1/2 years ago. Those days are stuck in my memory and I feel like I am back there again. But this time I know I am stronger I know I have the faith, I know that my family will be there for me. I know I have the wildest craziest little blessing and I will be blessed again but it takes time and patience. Sorry for the little pity party today, it's just how I have been feeling lately and I am sure everyone with infertility problems suffers from these fleeting thoughts. Anyway on to happier things we have moved into a new place and are settling in. The surgery and my diet are helping along with exercise. The meds they put me on last month worked to help me ovulate so we are now on round two hoping and praying they work and make something happen hopefully.

Life turned into a whirl wind

So this last month has been wild after talking with the doctor about my treatment options we opted for surgery. I had surgery on July 5th during surgery they drained my cysts and checked my Fallopian tubes which were clear but the found endometriosis under both my left and right ovaries. The recovery has been really rough and I haven't even started feeling better from it until this week. I have been slowly improving since. I went for my post op on Tuesday and everything went well and the doctor started me on clomid. I have had horrible mood swings this time around which gives me hope that it will hopefully work and stick this time around. So that's where life is right now plus trying to find a place to live that's closer to my husbands work. Anyway I will keep you updated that's all for now

Treatment options

So I finally got to update you all since I went to my doctors appointment, my insulin test came back normal but just barley and then the 3 cysts eye gave me two treatment options e 1st was to wait to months and then go back and see if they went down following a strict diet and up dosage in medicine. Or to have surgery because I have pain almost every other day I opted for surgery which they will go in and drain the cysts, clean my Fallopian tubes and look for endometriosis and if there's that too then they will clean that up. I go in for my surgery on July 5th