Tuesday, February 7, 2012
SO proud of myself
SO i took a big step today, I feel happy for my brother and his wife for having another baby. I just didnt understand the way i was feeling. After many talks and many blessings. I finally understand why god wants me to wait for a baby for just a little bit longer. I have to be paitent and focus on other things and before i know it i will be pregnant myself. I went and talked to my sister-in-law and expalined to her that i want to be like the godmother. I want to know everything first and help with everything. I know that if i focus on others then i will be blessed with the desires of my heart. God knows when the time is right for us to have things and i need to trust in that and have faith that god knows what he is doing. I do know that i will have children soon and that god understands and hears my prayers. And that he wants whats best for us even though we may not think that they way things are being handled in our minds is the right way. Also i think what helped me the most was when my sister-in-law showed me compassion and understanding. Thats what i needed yesterday but i wasnt getting it and i think thats part of the reason i was feeling the way that i was feeling. But i am happier and cant wait to be involved in everything. :)
Monday, February 6, 2012
Three steps forward one step back....
I was doing so well and then the new year hit and i feel like i have not had so much paitence. I have not been thinking postive. Especially this last weekend, it was just not a good weekend. I think because its such a long hard road to deal with polycystic ovary syndrom.
I watched the show one born every minute about a month or so ago and there was a lady on there that had this and the doctors told her that she would never have children and then finally after some years she was able to get pregnant and she ended up have quadruplets. When she talked about how she felt she discribed everything that i was feeling. How she felt bad cause she couldn't give her husband kids and how she felt jealous when saw other women pregnant and she wanted so badly to be that way and she couldn't be. But little did she know that her time was coming. That she would soon give birth to four babies. It let me know that i am not the only one feeling this way and dealing with it.
Well this last weekend i did not have that outlook on life. I started feeling sorry for myself and thinking negatively and etc. Then my brother told me that him and his wife are expecting their 3rd baby. That just put me over the edge. I am upset and sad that its not me too. I honsetly not to be mean but i don't feel happy for them. I want it to my turn but i know my body needs to heal and gain the strength for me to carry a baby. I know that they are happy about it and i am not jealous, but i dont feel happy for them. its just how i feel and somthing that i will have to overcome in time but they need to understand and give me time. I have to jump this hurdle and know that my time will be here when i least expect it.
I am going to be going back to school in april and become a dietican so i can help others better their lives and help them to know that they are not the only ones having these struggles in their lives.
Also for those of you who dont understand this maybe this will give you more perspetive on how all us ladies who have this or who struggle to get pregnant feel. When you complain about getting pregant and not expecting it, we of us who have a hard time getting pregnant we are just thinking well at least you can get pregnant and we sit here struggling with this and you dont understand that we so badly want something that we cant have yet and god will bless us all with babies sooner than later but we just want understanding and support and for you to be grateful for the children you have or are gonna have.
So i am hoping that i can get over this and have paitence and understanding and knowing about this. I want people to know how i feel and what i struggle with each week some weeks are bad and some are good. I dont think this is going to be one of my good weeks. But i will try to look at the glass half full instead half empty. But if your in my shoes, i know how you feel and we can struggle with this together. Also with the loving suport of my parents and my wonderful husband i will get past this especially with his help and support and love.
I watched the show one born every minute about a month or so ago and there was a lady on there that had this and the doctors told her that she would never have children and then finally after some years she was able to get pregnant and she ended up have quadruplets. When she talked about how she felt she discribed everything that i was feeling. How she felt bad cause she couldn't give her husband kids and how she felt jealous when saw other women pregnant and she wanted so badly to be that way and she couldn't be. But little did she know that her time was coming. That she would soon give birth to four babies. It let me know that i am not the only one feeling this way and dealing with it.
Well this last weekend i did not have that outlook on life. I started feeling sorry for myself and thinking negatively and etc. Then my brother told me that him and his wife are expecting their 3rd baby. That just put me over the edge. I am upset and sad that its not me too. I honsetly not to be mean but i don't feel happy for them. I want it to my turn but i know my body needs to heal and gain the strength for me to carry a baby. I know that they are happy about it and i am not jealous, but i dont feel happy for them. its just how i feel and somthing that i will have to overcome in time but they need to understand and give me time. I have to jump this hurdle and know that my time will be here when i least expect it.
I am going to be going back to school in april and become a dietican so i can help others better their lives and help them to know that they are not the only ones having these struggles in their lives.
Also for those of you who dont understand this maybe this will give you more perspetive on how all us ladies who have this or who struggle to get pregnant feel. When you complain about getting pregant and not expecting it, we of us who have a hard time getting pregnant we are just thinking well at least you can get pregnant and we sit here struggling with this and you dont understand that we so badly want something that we cant have yet and god will bless us all with babies sooner than later but we just want understanding and support and for you to be grateful for the children you have or are gonna have.
So i am hoping that i can get over this and have paitence and understanding and knowing about this. I want people to know how i feel and what i struggle with each week some weeks are bad and some are good. I dont think this is going to be one of my good weeks. But i will try to look at the glass half full instead half empty. But if your in my shoes, i know how you feel and we can struggle with this together. Also with the loving suport of my parents and my wonderful husband i will get past this especially with his help and support and love.
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