I never thought I would relive 6 years ago

So many things have went on where do I begin, I am now seeing a specialist to get to the bottom of why I am not pregnant still after 9 months of trying I feel lost. I feel like it's 6 years all over again. I never thought it would be this difficult again. But I guess I need to grow some more. The thing that hurts the most is every time that test comes back negative it breaks my heart just a little bit more. You may think well you have a child and should just be grateful and enjoy him and make the best of it and when it happens it happens. But to me it's more than that I want my son to have siblings and be best friends with them and expand my family more. But then I have to ask myself what if God never gives me a baby what if all hope is lost? Will I be okay with that? Will I always be yearning for one more chance to carry another baby to experience life in me once more? As I write these words I wonder if they are true and if you heart will always have that missing piece. Don't get me wrong I am happy and content with my life and family but it would be wonderful to mother more children. My husband has never given up hope and will always hold my hand tight while going through these struggles. My new doctor is doing some tests to see what is going on and see what needs to be done. After already losing one pregnancy in this process sometimes it's difficult to deal with it all. But no matter what I will try to keep my chin up and keep the faith. All you who are struggling hang in there we are all in this together.